I wasn't taught a coherent scriptural view of marriage.
A good friend of mine has a marriage that has become painful. She found out that her husband has never been consistently faithful during their ten year marriage. Also the adultery involved prostitutes and bringing people into the home who are not safe for the children. She has to consider that factor as well.
She is currently not living with the husband but has not divorced him. Her pastors have told her that a divorce would be "justified".
My heart is broken for her and I don't have firm footing to advise her. I feel awful about not having that firm footing. It is partially my fault and partially the fault of the people who have been "teaching" me the scriptures for the last twenty years.
I have heard teachings often from Matthew 5:31-32. Quoted here:
“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’
32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
But the teachers who have taught me that have completely excluded an explanation of Mark 10:2-12 quoted here:
2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied.
4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,”Jesus replied.
6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’
7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
8 and the two will become one flesh.’So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.
11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.
12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.
Notice the two scriptures above appear contradictory. One allows for divorce for sexual immorality. The other does not.
I want to know the truth.
I am going to start here. In my next post I will work through the original language of these scriptures myself. I don't think it's going to be difficult or complicated. My guess is that the answer to the apparent contradiction will not fit with popular "Christian" culture and that is why I have never heard a coherent teaching on the issue.
Please pray for my success and for discernment. I have a sincere desire to be equipped with God's word and guidance for my own marriage and for my friends.
Blessings on all who read,
Ryan VanOrsdel
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